I can see it now!... It's becoming so very clear to me...
That certain look. That particular stance. Even those very same questions.
Everything I swore I would never do... I'm doing!
Everything that I swore I would never say... I'm saying!
Yes. It has happened! I have become my mother!
I look back at when I was younger. All those times I would look at mom and think "yeah, what do you know?" I mean, really? Just WHAT does a mother know about school, sports, being cool, boys... pimples?
She couldn't even bounce on a pogo stick, let alone catch a ball. And her skin was clear!
All those things she would do or say, I PROMISED myself I would NEVER do or say when I had my kids!
Things such as mom's "Warning method". Some of you may be familiar with this one. When my brother or I were doing something really stupid or bad (which was often), mom would begin to count to three.
One... that was the official launch of your warning.
Then came two! This was really your last chance to begin action. Not much time was left at this point.
Then there was the moment of truth. number 3!
I remember so vividly thinking that our poor mom must not have gone to school. Here she was, 30+ years old and she only knew how to count to three??! How did she ever make it this far in life?
However, as we got a little older and wiser, so did she. She began to expand! Throwing in fractions. Two... two and a half... two and three quarters.
Then there was "The STARE"!
Jaws were clenched, lips tight and the eyes appear to be popping out! And let me tell ya, we were terrified that they would really pop out! I mean she told us that she had eyes in the back of her head, so who's to say what she could do with the eyes in the FRONT of her head?
I also recall thinking that my poor mom wasn't too bright! I mean WHY did she continue to ask the silliest questions about such obvious things?
For example, when I would lose something she would ask me where I lost it! Seriously... If I knew where it was, I wouldn't have to ask her, would I?
If we were REALLY bad, she'd ask us if we WANTED a spanking! Really??? Just how did she expect us to answer that one? It wasn't like we actually had a choice in the matter.
Then there was her infamous answer to our questions. When we would ask her "Why?"... her answer?... "Because I said so!"
But I have to admit, back then, we thought mom was one of the most creative, talented drivers we knew!... AND she was double-jointed! It was impressive!
It always amazed me how she could be driving the car down a busy street and without even a swerve or touch of the breaks, she would whip her arm around behind her seat and somehow find my arm or leg, grab them tightly and hold me back from beating on my little brother.
It didn't matter if you pulled yourself as far back in the seat as you could. Even if you lifted your legs up off the floor or even laid down, if you were in the back seat, those hands would find you! And if we were really in trouble, she would throw us "The Stare" in the rear view mirror for good measure.
Then, there was the neglect! I would wonder HOW a mother could do this to her child!
We would be out somewhere and my brother or I would ask for something. The result? Her four-phase process!
Phase 1. She would say no!
Phase 2. We would insist, and begin to produce a high pitch annoying whine and start pleading and begging! (I know, not something I was proud of!) Again, she would coldly say no!
THEN... Phase 3. The Jello hold! That's when she would try and pick us up or lead us away. Our response? We would drop to the floor, right then and there! The trick was to not allow any part of your body to be rigid so she couldn't stand you up or make you walk. It was like trying to pick up Jello.
THIS was the moment when Phase 4 kicked in! The neglect!! Yes, our mother would walk away!... Abandon us... Leave us to starve to death and fend for ourselves! Can you believe that? Oh, the horror!!
I remember thinking that I would NEVER do this to my child!
Well, I can tell ya, that the first temper tantrum my son had while we were out in the busy mall, I too, did the unthinkable!
Yup, I walked away!
I believe it was at that point that my transformation began!
Slowly, I began to see it! It became more and more evident.
My boys giggled when I couldn't shoot a hoop or stop while on rollerblades. They seem a little embarrassed (well, horrified actually) when I tried to be cool.
And when my boys weren't listening? Yes, you guessed it! 1... 2... 3!
I admit that I've clenched my jaws, tightened my lips, and made my eyes appear to bulge. And I too, grew eyes in the back of my head!
When my boys lost their hats or mitts? My response... "Where did you lose them?"
I even asked my boys if they wanted a spanking when they were really misbehaving. (this was a VERY long time ago!)
And you know what else? When they'd ask me "Why?" they had to do something? I'd tell them "Because I said so!"
Just like my mom, my driving skills also became finely tuned - and my arms double-jointed. Yes, I could reach around from the driver's seat and grab hold of my children's arms or legs to prevent them from beating on each other. And then?... Yup, I too gave them "The stare" in the rearview mirror. Surprisingly enough, I also found that to be quite effective.
Over the years, I saw so many familiar things happening. It was like Deja Vu!
I look at my mom and see the beautiful, caring, and loving person she is. I can only hope that I've been half the mother my mom is.
After all those times when I was younger, promising to never do or say the silly, somethings really strange things my mom did, I can now understand why she did them. I found myself doing ALL of those things - and more. I'm sure I created some new ones for my kids to roll their eyes over.
I guess it's all part of being a mom. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that!
Now, my son and his wife are expecting their first child. And I can only imagine that they too will repeat many of the "Odd" things we did as parents.
But that's okay! You know why?... Because I said so!
